I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
