This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
