If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
