GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
