half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
