Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
