I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
