i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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