No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
