I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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