He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
