some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
