What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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