I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
