Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
