How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
