Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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