Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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