you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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