You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
