shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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