He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
