I want to have your abortion
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
