well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
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