ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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