I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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