I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
