I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
