I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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