I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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