I got chris browned last night
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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