She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
