Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
