why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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