If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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