Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
