He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
