My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
