as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
