my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
