yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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