Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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