Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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