I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
