I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
