I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
People in love make me want to vomit
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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