First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
