i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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