somebody snuck up and got me drunk
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
