i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
