Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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