When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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