3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
