We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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